Ending

finished another drama for my lifeless life
no more drama next time
gotta start busy on work
gotta sleep now
but let me write something

i thought there would be sad as the last ending
which is couple leave each other
but after being sad a little while
there is the happy ending in the end

life would be up and down
but it doesn't mean it would be bad in the ending
maybe the bad for now
doesn't mean is the ending
it depends on how much believes in yourself
to want it be an happy ending

tomorrow gotta start work
i promise myself won't be doing sampling girl anymore
it is too lifeless for me
because there is nothing to learn
maybe there is?
gaining muscle of your leg by standing longer
after 3 days of standing
monday will be the day for singapore

so much of curious about what would that be
will i be kidnapped?
will i get raped?
will my arms and legs get chopped off and being selling to other country?
or....
will i be sell it to be a prostitute?
hmm....
you know what
every time when i imagine the things will be like that
it just won't be happen
sometimes it would be
but it is hard
but i think god is always love me though
helped me every time when i need

look back the past..
fighting sales again~~
competition again~~~
i was being lazy such a long time
not even have building good repo with customer
don't even feel like meeting appointment
and people depending on me to do 2k of sales on that day
i met one appointment on that day
used 2-3 hour just to collect some cash on one person
in the end was fail
without any appointment
by wechat and call
collected only 350
50+50+100+150
is already 6pm++
people already collect more than 1k
there is so much expectation on me
in the end i keep on calling and calling
but there is no one
im so afraid that i would be the mouse shit who drag the whole team down
but i keep on call and call
finally there is an appointment for me at 8pm++
but during the appointment i still work very hard
keep calling and calling
whatsapp and messaging
finally there is a lucky star
who i never meet appointment with
we just met once or twice in the mall after he bought things from me
i ask from him without any expectation, just try
he helped me 800 and directly bank in to me
miracles always happen
the appointment that i put so much expectation on
i did not even collect any from them
and in the last minute
i ask another 400 from the same person
he rejected on me in the call
but after 1 ,minutes
i receive a message that i received 400 in my bank account
without any expectation
even though i did not achieve my target
but at least i collected 1.4k on that day though
from that day on
i know god will always pamper for those who really work hard on
don't give up until the last minute, or even last second
if u give up there will be nothing
you don't even try
u won't have any surprises

if i just afraid of being raped, kidnapped, cheat
i won't have any chances
i just want to pray hard and believes
everything will be good and fine
i just want to sing and perform
do not feel like even want to rely on anyone
do not feel want to have any chance or time for myself to think anything
forget the past
forget the thing i'm being annoyed
forget about how much i want him to be mine
forget about whether he is cheating me or not
forget about when i will be official
forget about how much i love him
forget about how bad is him sometime
left the good memories be there
good things always come to u when u not realize




i still not used to sleeping without your arm
i will wait patiently
welcome u whenever u back
r u used to the day without my hug?
no matter how big the world is
true heart always can make things happened
i won't be lazy to miss you


such a disgusting n nauseating things to say
Ewwww.....

appreciate

being so negatively for such a week
maybe because of menstruation
and no one pampering me
that's why feel moody
cooling down myself
calm down
calm down
just think everything is normal
let go then go
everything will go smooth normally
depends on fate
depends on destiny~~
if it is mine, it will come to me
if it is not mine, can't force anyway
things always not yours when u r too dedicate
just like i so want to be a performing artiste
it won't be coming to me
just do the best work the best
do ur part well
things will come naturally to u

time to be appreciate now
appreciate i have friends too talk to when i'm down
appreciate there is a blog for me to express my feeling that i couldn't show
appreciate i have an opportunities to go to singapore to look at the world
appreciate i have u, share things to u when i'm alone
appreciate god allow me to have such a sweet n nice memories with u
appreciate i have a chance and excuses for me to go to taiwan
appreciate i have a chance to fall in love with someone who i wish to be with so much
appreciate i can meet u, the long hair i always mention with friends, the musician
appreciate i still have some balance in my account
appreciate my sis borrow me laptop to spend my lifeless moment
appreciate i still have food
appreciate......

amelia~~
stop being negative
stop being childish
stop being aimless
u can live ur life without anyone
u can live ur life independently without any man
everything can just start from zero
the stupid amelia please come back to me
stay foolish stay hungry
work hard fight hard
u have not enough time any more
ur age already start from 2, not 1 any more!!
next year gonna be 21!!
fight real hard if u really want ur dream to be come true
ur dream can't came true if u r old!!!!

okay continue drama~~

hypnotizing~~

today had an outing with friends
talk with them about my situation
why everyone say i'm being cheated?
commit suicide is such a bullshit for a guy to tell a girl?
they always tell me i'm blind folding by love now
so couldn't know what is wrong what is right
they do ask me don't be a bitch
but is up to me
haiz.... i hard to find someone that i wish so much
now i found, but seems like impossible to me
feel like want to add your facebook
just to want to know more about u
even deleted our memories and everything
but just can't.....
u ask me why so important
because i want to know you more!!!!
every time also skip this topic skip this topic
eishhhhhhhhh
*stomping my leg, punching couch n pillow*


even can't add u as friend??
is it there is some secret u dunwan me to know?
just add as a friend!!!
drama????? god please kill me
please, let me work as busy as i can
don't feel like thinking such annoying things

yeahhh~~
3 more days to go
going singapore~~
hope everything will be fine in the end
then i will stay at singapore
and find my new life there
and fucking find a good man there
the handsome one
the one who know music too
the rich one
the one who pamper me soooo much
long hair or short hair never mind
than i will really leave u!!!
who ask u don't even appreciate me
now i'm single and available!!!
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
i don't care u
even though i so care now, i will make myself not care anymore
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single
i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single i'm already used to be single

today kelly *the mama*
ask me to have stable relationship
i said i wish to
she ask me don't play play anymore
i have no time
i was........ what???!!
i'm 20!! omg
and she is 21!!!
world change~~

dear freddie~~
i wish you are not cheating me as what they say
but sometimes i need some prove~~
haiz.......
if u do, just admit ok
so that i won't waste my time by waiting u here
sincerely~~

valentine's is coming
people around discussing about it
and i'm..... fuck
wish my working circle will have a lot of pretty boys~~
even though can't have it
at least maybe it would make me feel better

BASTARD!!!!!!!

stupid bastard idiot ass hole!!!
what some more meaning bad people in English???
fucking fucking hate u so much
i know u wont read this post because i wont check what i update!!!!
sending Chinese words that u don't understand??
so that i can tell u what i want to but u dun understand
u dun even try to persuade me to stay!!!!
fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!
u dun even ask me what i feel now
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!
eishhhhhhhhhh
ARHGGGGGG
i duno why i so hate u but so love you

aimless

i have a dream, should say that is my target of my life
being a star, an artiste on stage, in life
shine n bright like diamond and star in front of people eyes
but this dream is never been near, always been so far to me

being jobless now
no money and poor
have nothing with me

don't really have good friend who can talk heart to heart with
i thought i would have a boyfriend
but.... is so near but yet too far

don't feel like relying of people
some people put a lots of hope and expectation on me
some people think i'm really good
some people think i'm smart, i must be successful in the future
people putting so much confident on me
i thought i would be smart and successful in the future, when i'm innocent
after gain more experience on life, confident getting less

i don't really know what is the purpose of writing this post
aimless
maybe just want to express the strong negative energy here?
the positive and passionate Amelia had gone so far away
please come back to me once i leave
and when i need

i thought i am strong and smart enough though
but i always weak in handling relationship, realize
during work, people fall in love with me
knowing how to hold guys hearts and play it whatever i want
they want go, just go, cause i know there will be new one
but when comes to me myself falling in love
i can't even let him go

Hans, the one who abandoned me
the one who make me feel heart broken so much
holding his arms so hard, couldn't let him go so much
keep sticking with him
hoping him will turn back to me
staying with him
wishing he will remember the past and come back
but the more i stay with him
the more i felt he love her
being a girl without self-esteem
begging a guy to stay with her
keep on looking for a man to over up his space in my heart
and started get cheated
and started feel disappointed on guy

now, trying to hold a guy, who having a girlfriend
being such a bitchy girl
being a girl who going to steal people partner like her
i really like him so much
but he is too good to be true
i wished i could really let him go on that day, the day before he left
but, this is fate, and i fall in love
when the hotel manager told me: 'your boyfriend is in the room'
i was happy, being happy is secondly is because i can meet him
being happy firstly is because of i had a 'boyfriend' at that moment

boyfriend?
why it is so important?
maybe just want to feel a little bit secure
maybe just want someone to talk to
maybe just want someone to rely on
maybe just want someone to share when i'm happy or sad
maybe just want someone to pamper me when i'm upset

people ask me to let him go
and see what is his reaction to u
it will show how important are u from him
but what i see is how important is him for me
more than me for him
people say in a relationship, if u being serious before than the guy
mean u already lose the game
i don't realize i'm actually lost long time ago

he said he promise me will come back to me once he settle his things
but will he?
i think in the future he will tell me that, he have no feeling to me anymore
yea, i'm the one said want to let him go
and i'm the one feel like want stay with him so badly
these show how cheap i am as a girl

why am i feel like dripping my tears? nose feeling sour?
when i say myself as a cheap stuff
when can i be a little bit more 'expensive'?

i really miss him so much
feel like kiss him, and hug him, annoy him
order him like he is mine,
bully him and allow him to bully me
allow him to pamper me
being jealous to him
but i have no right to do this
how shameful am i asking him to bring me to US?
how shameful am i to even message him...

god, just allow me a little bit more time
because i had used to the day being not alone
give me some time to used to the day to be alone
wish after i reach Singapore, everything will be fine
that would be the best present ever in my life, for me to get a new life
give me sometime to really to be heart broken
at least i know i'm stronger now, because not much tear nowadays





expressing negatively to the blog...