aimless

i have a dream, should say that is my target of my life
being a star, an artiste on stage, in life
shine n bright like diamond and star in front of people eyes
but this dream is never been near, always been so far to me

being jobless now
no money and poor
have nothing with me

don't really have good friend who can talk heart to heart with
i thought i would have a boyfriend
but.... is so near but yet too far

don't feel like relying of people
some people put a lots of hope and expectation on me
some people think i'm really good
some people think i'm smart, i must be successful in the future
people putting so much confident on me
i thought i would be smart and successful in the future, when i'm innocent
after gain more experience on life, confident getting less

i don't really know what is the purpose of writing this post
aimless
maybe just want to express the strong negative energy here?
the positive and passionate Amelia had gone so far away
please come back to me once i leave
and when i need

i thought i am strong and smart enough though
but i always weak in handling relationship, realize
during work, people fall in love with me
knowing how to hold guys hearts and play it whatever i want
they want go, just go, cause i know there will be new one
but when comes to me myself falling in love
i can't even let him go

Hans, the one who abandoned me
the one who make me feel heart broken so much
holding his arms so hard, couldn't let him go so much
keep sticking with him
hoping him will turn back to me
staying with him
wishing he will remember the past and come back
but the more i stay with him
the more i felt he love her
being a girl without self-esteem
begging a guy to stay with her
keep on looking for a man to over up his space in my heart
and started get cheated
and started feel disappointed on guy

now, trying to hold a guy, who having a girlfriend
being such a bitchy girl
being a girl who going to steal people partner like her
i really like him so much
but he is too good to be true
i wished i could really let him go on that day, the day before he left
but, this is fate, and i fall in love
when the hotel manager told me: 'your boyfriend is in the room'
i was happy, being happy is secondly is because i can meet him
being happy firstly is because of i had a 'boyfriend' at that moment

boyfriend?
why it is so important?
maybe just want to feel a little bit secure
maybe just want someone to talk to
maybe just want someone to rely on
maybe just want someone to share when i'm happy or sad
maybe just want someone to pamper me when i'm upset

people ask me to let him go
and see what is his reaction to u
it will show how important are u from him
but what i see is how important is him for me
more than me for him
people say in a relationship, if u being serious before than the guy
mean u already lose the game
i don't realize i'm actually lost long time ago

he said he promise me will come back to me once he settle his things
but will he?
i think in the future he will tell me that, he have no feeling to me anymore
yea, i'm the one said want to let him go
and i'm the one feel like want stay with him so badly
these show how cheap i am as a girl

why am i feel like dripping my tears? nose feeling sour?
when i say myself as a cheap stuff
when can i be a little bit more 'expensive'?

i really miss him so much
feel like kiss him, and hug him, annoy him
order him like he is mine,
bully him and allow him to bully me
allow him to pamper me
being jealous to him
but i have no right to do this
how shameful am i asking him to bring me to US?
how shameful am i to even message him...

god, just allow me a little bit more time
because i had used to the day being not alone
give me some time to used to the day to be alone
wish after i reach Singapore, everything will be fine
that would be the best present ever in my life, for me to get a new life
give me sometime to really to be heart broken
at least i know i'm stronger now, because not much tear nowadays





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